A single mom by grace

I am a single mom. But I have to admit, I have had it fairly easy. I have a supportive ex-husband and a very compliant kid. Admittedly the teen years have been a bit tougher but overall I have had it fairly easy. All that has changed. I always knew I wanted more kids. My ex was happy with the one we had and after the divorce I figured at some point I would get remarried and have more or marry someone who had a few. In December of 2013, after another jarring halt to what I thought might be a potential relationship I decided to take things into my own hands. I wanted more kids. I was getting far to old to have one on my own (think Sarah in the Bible!) so I began exploring adoption out of the foster system. Fast forward to today. Late September, 2014 and I am almost 3 weeks into the placement of one of my new sons. Tonight was one of those evenings that I think I must be crazy for trying to do this on my own. We had our first blow out. And in the scheme of things it wasn’t huge, but it was long and a little scary and I found myself crying out to God and a couple of friends for prayer in the heat of it. I found myself crying in the heat of it. I cried for my first born and how all this change and disruption will affect him. I cried for myself, for doing this on my own and my inability to know what to do, and I cried for J, for the life he was dealt in his first 9 years that make him act out in this way. So at the end of the evening I am mentally exhausted and yet I still am overwhelmed with thankfulness while I am reading to this boy in his bed. Thankful that God brought me this child. Thankful for the resources to provide for him. Thankful that God knew every path and disappointment that would lead me to exactly where I need to be. I am a single mom and with God’s grace we might just all make it to tomorrow.

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